Just This Side of Spring

January 16 of this year, (2009) I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer a second time. Preservation was not an option and after much research, questions, second opinions and reflection, I elected to have a double Mastectomy. As I sit at my computer writing this, March 14, about a week and a half post-op, I think of where we all were just one year ago’ Nikki’s Cancer was not kind. I look out my office window and Nikki, of course, is not in her usual spot. Winter can be callous, but its snow is at last receding’

This experience remains surreal in my mind. I find myself reflecting oddly, ‘I did have a double Mastectomy, didn’t I?’. I thought I’d be prepared for this in light of my prior Cancer surgeries but I really wasn’t. On my album ‘A Place in the Sun’, I talked about my journey through Breast Cancer, how ‘I was a Cancer Survivor to add to the list’ – I didn’t expect an encore. This time is so very different and words escape me as to how best to explain. I had already well-begun writing for this album and then Cancer hit, yet again. Cancer happens when you’re busy living and except for anger and a few tears, I just realized I had to do what was necessary to beat it down again and to get to that place in Spring where gardens awaken and memories bloom’.

I know that no matter what is taken out, cut away, or reshaped, I will always be who I am. Though ‘why’ often confounds my thinking, I do believe that I am a lucky woman despite the many odds against me. How can I not feel so with my whole life ahead of me due to an excellent prognosis. I can’t help but feel, and know that there are spiritual forces that watch out for me and I truly feel blessed by the love and care bestowed upon me from all those whose lives have intersected with mine.

Life, with its wonderful fountain of joy also infuses us with overwhelming heartache and pain; to that, no one is immune. I suppose the extreme dichotomy underscores the very sweetness of that which is good. Through the hills and valleys in what sometimes seems like different lives of my one life, many chapters have been written. In Pennsylvania, my youth played out on farmlands that used to extend beyond where the eye could see’.during undergrad in Western Massachusetts I searched for answers in books by the great philosophers and literaries to questions that all but paralyzed me and in so doing, my mind expanded enough to house a heart so badly broken I thought it could never mend. I later studied in Paris and enjoyed the seemingly limitless boundaries of living abroad where life’s possibilities seemed endless ‘ a brief time in Valencia, Spain showed me a simpler way of life’ In New York City, where I spent a great deal of time auditioning for the theatre, there were homeless in doorways or alleys next to restaurants and people actually walked over them to get inside. And on it goes’.

To me, these chapters are marked by the dogs that have shared them and seem to start and stop with the life and loss of each of their gentle souls. But the thread that weaves through these chapters is love, which never dies, but instead grows, and manages to sew the broken back together.

Our little Terrier, Shiloh, who grieved for Nikki right along with us, has made friends with a new addition, a young Siberian, who must have been around 6 months old at the time Nikki died. She too, is a rescue, as are all that come to dwell here. I hear Nikki’s voice in Jasmine’s and see certain similarities; but it is a new Chapter unfolding and a different song.

Just this side of Spring is indeed a tribute to Nikki , a magnificent soul whose spirit shines, but also a tribute to ‘Luck’, though perhaps better stated, ‘Divine Intervention’, that would let me stay here and continue my Earthly destiny. And last but not least, to the brave Primroses, those warriors of hope, whose vibrance and color, challenge the very harshness of Winter, just this side of Spring. Ann Sweeten

P.S. Nikki lost her battle, I am fighting mine’ let us all pray for a cure.

Nikki’s Song – November 23, 1994 ‘ April 9, 2008

Oddly the music was silent
Save the tears of steady rain,
And thunder clapped the sun-dappled skies
In Nikki’s sweet refrain.

But now, I hear her singing
Her own special melody’
She searches now the path assured
As she is running free.

She tells us she has found the bridge,
Now lined with friends we used to kiss,
Rejoicing in reunion,
with all those we have long missed.

Sweet Nikki’s eyes are gateways
To such love and tenderness
Life’s lessons flowed abundantly
To those she once caressed.

My beloved piano muse,
How I miss you laying there
Waiting for my music
That we so deeply shared.

I can’t describe the feeling
Not having you so close
As notes dripping from my soul
Seemed to resound with you the most.

Trust that I’ll feel you always
Deep inside my heart
Knowing there will come the day
We’ll no longer be apart.

Then we will cross together,
That bridge of rainbow sky
To where love’s the only answer
And we no longer have to question, ‘why?’.
Written by A.S. 4/12 ‘ 4/14/08

Performances in order of appearance

Ann Sweeten 
Steinway Baby Grand, Model B,
Kurzweil Synthesizers (Light from a Narrow Window; A Moment in Time)
Vocals (A Moment in Time; True North)

Will Ackerman
Acoustic Guitar (Just this Side of Spring)

Andrew Eng
Viola and Violin (Light from a Narrow Window)
Viola (Nikki’s Song)

Michael Miksis 
Upright Bass (A Moment in Time; In Gardens Fast Asleep)

Trisha Craig
Flute (The Melt Waters)

Credits

Produced by Will Ackerman and Ann Sweeten

Recorded at Imaginary Road Studios,
Windham County, VT
Williamackerman.com

Composed and performed by Ann Sweeten

Engineered, mixed and mastered by Corin Nelsen:
At Imaginary Road Studios
www.corinnelsen.com

Visual Artistic Direction and Photography by Randy Yoder:
RBY Photography, Salem, MA

Manufactured and printed by Disc Makers:
Pennsauken, NJ, U.S.A.

Piano Technician:
William Ballard

 
“Classically trained pianist, Ann Sweeten pulls from her deepest emotions on Just this Side of Spring.beautiful and powerful album.”

 
“Falling in love with such a unique sound, a sound that Ann Sweeten has created, makes you feel like a light-hearted bird everytime.”

 
“Ann Sweeten is one musician widely recognized for her classic style, setting a high standard in quality among many pianists. Her classic signature sound gives new meaning to the term music appreciation. Having authored a number of Piano Solo reviews in the New Age genre, I promptly identified an admirable level of richness and depth in tone I rarely hear in many piano solo albums. Stylish tonal qualities held in even the quietest patterns give complex sequences and a prolific feel of realism within every individual phrase.”

 
“Superb Piano works – beautiful and calming. Ann Sweeten uses her very talented hands to paint an image of emergence into my favorite time of year, and does so without ‘tricks’ or ‘gimmicks’. MOST HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.”

 
“A very soothing collection of music, ideal for relaxation and meditation, but it also has that emotional depth and edge that lifts it above mere easy listening.”

 
“Pianist Ann Sweeten’s latest album, Just this Side of Spring, offers a refreshing change of pace from the usual solo piano genre. Rather than show off her chops with an obvious display of thunderous chords and lightning-quick melodic runs, the award-winning Steinway Artist instead chooses to focus on quiet, introspective compositions that are thoughtful and contemplative.”

 
“A contemporary pianist/composer, Ann will win the hearts of many with this unique new-age, neo-classical collection. She has the astounding ability to paint a vivid picturewith her soft, lovely stylings. The album overall is unique and memorable. It is full of beautiful melodies, both pleasant and melancholy. Ann’s not your typical pianist, however. Her brilliant use of tension keeps you on your toes and her passion truly melts your heart.”

 
“Ann Sweeten is perhaps one of the most decorated pianists of the past decade. Serious classical undertones… Sweeten’s play is temperamental but disciplined, full of a fire that surprises. Ann Sweeten is more than your typical pianist, writing themes that challenge both herself and her listeners to hear more and be more.”